The Void #14 – Stop Complaining on the Internet – Mar 17, 2022

we wanted to come to you guys today with a different style of show than our typical show

um today we wanted to talk with you guys about a post that we’ve seen shared all

over social media lately and we’ve got some pretty strong opinions about this post so we

wanted to do a show dedicated just to this one specific social media post that

we’ve seen a lot um i am your host mitch smedley and with me as always is david hilton mitch what’s up bud what’s up

dave well we’ve been up here talking and bullshitting for like an hour yeah and mitch has finally calmed down he had a

tough day today and then we started talking about this show in this post and he’s been a real ass hat for a while so

we finally got him calmed down and we’re gonna this is it’s probably gonna get worse i would say before it gets better this pose gets

me fired up yeah every time i don’t understand i mean i know why yeah but i just i’m not on the level of excited as

you are or i shouldn’t say excited as mad as you are well i’m not mad read the i just have expectations leave the

people to post and and we’ll talk about it we’ll let them decide what they think all right so so this post you’ve probably seen it and if

you haven’t because we’re talking about it on this podcast you’ll see it uh it’s just the way social media works but i’m

gonna read to you the entire post this is one of those posts where you like copy and paste it and

try to say it’s your own words but then at the bottom of it it actually says it was copied so here’s the post

it says the unfortunate truth of owning and running a business running a business is really hard what

they don’t tell you is it can cause severe stress and anxiety and drains you

mentally to the point of depression and eat in even the most laid-back

people people will talk about you they’ll compare you to others they’ll use you

they will view you as a service and not as a person anymore family and friends will expect discounts

and people will value you for your hard work or they will they will value you

and your hard work less than the big chain stores

you have to worry about if you forget an email or you forget to message somebody back

are you going or are they going to think it was on purpose did you disappoint them

will they hold that against you when in reality you can’t get to everyone’s

messages and emails starting up and running a successful business puts incredible strain on a

person’s life and relation on a person’s lives and relationships

many of which fail because there is often no work life balance you need to be the director the

worker the admin the marketing team the accountant the cleaner all while being a parent a husband or a

wife and a family support or a friend there’s a reason you don’t see many

people succeed in small business after five to ten years if they are successful they are

overwhelmed it takes its toll it’s freaking exhausting especially the past

couple of years when so much has been out of our control the post finishes with uh here’s a small

reminder that we’re just normal people with hectic lives be kind be patient

support small business and hopefully more of us will stick around

i copied this from another small business owner that i admire

so that’s the post that is the subject of today’s getting read marcus i mean look at his face

right what’s your thought on that i i got notes like when i get frustrated look at his face

yeah he’s [ __ ] mad at you i want to hear it go ahead when i get frustrated i got to put notes together so i can otherwise i’ll like lose all my thoughts

right yeah that training runs out of your brain when it’s all fired up yeah so

i’m not gonna sit here and act like i’ve got it all together because i don’t i’m still learning new

stuff every day i encounter struggle every day but the difference between me

and this post is my mentality i don’t play the victim role and that’s

exactly what this post is this post is written and shared by people who act

like they are somehow in a worse position because they choose they chose to start

their business and you should now treat them differently because they did so

business is competition and if you’re going to be successful you need to learn

how to win making posts like this is publicly making an excuse for you sucking at

business ownership and you don’t suck so

start doing better hmm very passionate yeah dave

what’s your thoughts i i i understand why he’s upset about a lot

of the things that are said in there and it it does create a misnomer about

you know business ownership what it really takes you know people play the victim a lot

yeah they do it a lot and that is that is your mindset you know we talk

about this in the other episodes the millionaire mindset yeah well this flies in the face of the millionaire mindset

this is uh this is a weak mindset okay so when

when uh when when people write these things down and they use these as excuses

they’re weak mentally and they don’t have that millionaire mindset to i’m gonna grab it by the balls and i’m

just gonna i’m gonna make this happen right okay and if you go into business thinking that

which i think is really one of the reasons that you know mitch gets fired up about this is because

um i’ve almost lost my train of thought there he gets fired up because that is weak mindset yeah you know what

i mean yeah and you’ve just you’re not prepared you don’t know what’s going on you’re

not ready and you use those excuses to not be successful right right so

i’ve seen a lot of friends share this post and and when i say friends they may not be close friends they may be friends

that i’m like facebook friends or friends on social media friend of a friend of a friend right and we chose to

make this episode specifically about this post to help build those people up

like the people that are sharing this post are at a moment of weakness

and you shouldn’t be right the the whole core of this post is

it’s some half-assed excuse for you not living up to people’s expectations

and you just need to do better about putting some systems and processes in place to

fix all of that um the post references you know you know what

references that business ownership is is it causes anxiety and stress well to me

you know what causes anxiety and stress it’s putting in all that effort for somebody else when you should be putting

all of that effort in for yourself on your own business you know what drains you mentally like

the post references business ownership drains you mentally it’s endlessly working for somebody else

who forgets all you’ve done for them over the years and only seems to remember all you’ve done for them lately

like that is mentally draining that is anxiety and stress business ownership is

freedom and if you can’t see that then maybe business ownership isn’t for you

you know we talked about in some of the other episodes about gut check moments right and having those gut check moments

leading up to starting the business okay and that’s why preparation is so important so

you know go back and listen to the first nine episodes we talk about that in order

these steps this is how you prepare if you do the first three beginning steps and those are gut check moments for you

and you realize you know what my anxiety level right now is so high and my stress level right now is so high

it’s only going to get worse from there yeah and we talk about this in those episodes

business ownership may not be for you correct and it’s okay yeah all right you can make a lot of money working for

somebody else and lots of people and and people go through phases in their lives

where um starting their own like in your 20s you start your own business you are on fire

you know and then you get older and your mindset kind of changes you know maybe maybe you sell that business close that

business down like megan said in that on one of our guest shows you know maybe you

go back to working for somebody because you’ve you’ve changed right you know what i mean right but you need to use

those gut check moments before you dive in and and make those experiences happen

right does that make sense yeah no it totally makes sense and and i think anybody who’s listening to our

show that has shared this post needs to do themselves and their family a favor

and actually sit back and realize did i did i share this because i really meant everything that was in this post or did

i share it because it seemed like a well-written excuse for poor performance

because if it’s the latter and it’s poor performance then just fix it like

everyone’s allowed to perform poorly from time to time we all do it the difference is champions

identify that and they fix it and they put a plan in place to where that doesn’t happen again and they don’t

perform poorly in that area again so i’m not i’m not chastising anybody who’s

posted this but i am chastising people who have posted this and actually meant it

because you just shouldn’t be in business if if business ownership is that anxiety and stress written you

shouldn’t be there yeah it’s it’s just that simple you should be working for somebody else and letting somebody else

handle all that anxiety and stress business ownership should be freedom business ownership should be uh the

ability to be in control of your future rather than

feeling like your future is controlled by somebody else yeah and you know life is like that yeah and mitch isn’t saying

that okay so every day if i own my business i should go in and it should just be happy go lucky fun no oh hell no

there are going to be stressful days and there are going to be anxiety filled days but you know what that’s real life yeah you know what i

mean that’s real life if it’s if the if your stress and your anxiety levels are higher than your what happens in regular

day-to-day life then that’s a warning sign yeah okay because you’re gonna you’re gonna wake up one day and your kid’s gonna be sick

and you’re gonna have to call into work or move you know what i mean that creates anxiety yeah and some stress

yeah that’s just real life whether you have to get into your physical boss or whether you have to call your list of customers that day and reschedule them

because of your kids sick it’s the same anxiety it’s just different yeah now that doesn’t mean it as an excuse right

is the real point exactly exactly the one of the things the post reference is that people

are going to talk about you well haters going to hate right uh give them something to freaking talk about

like do so much good in your community that they will talk about you make such an impact that they can’t not talk about

you be undeniable with your impact you know i’ve never seen more [ __ ] talking

than when i was working for somebody else and like all the people that gather around the water cooler and start chit chatting

and clucking like that is some of the worst talking ever and that’s working for somebody else when you’re working

for yourself there is no talking about you and if they are talking about you it’s it’s one of two things

either they want to be like you or you’re making such an impact in the

community they can’t figure out why so they’re not hating on you

it’s just they’re talking about you because you’re doing better than them that’s all it is yeah and it i’ll just

read the first line you know people will talk about you compare you to others use you well that first line people will

talk about you whether you’re good or bad people are going to talk about you whether you’re at your job

whether you are a school teacher whether you are a toll taker it doesn’t matter

that’s a business it’s not a business owner that’s not a life thing it’s a life thing that’s a life exactly and that’s what gets back to don’t use

regular life stuff to be an excuse yep for you to half-ass it right you know

what i mean right that’s like saying i can’t hack it as a teacher because people are talking about me they’re going to talk about you

they’re going to talk about you’re looking at their kids right they have their kids in your classroom right oh well these parents they just

well no [ __ ] right they they’re their kids if they’re talking about you it’s because they have

a good level of expectation for you yeah like that’s good yeah and that’s business is the same way right right the

the the people there are now let’s let me finish this a little bit but there are people that are just going to hate

okay because there is a mentality now especially in the social media [ __ ] world as i call it people hate okay and

and people love to hate success they love to hate failure they love to hate on everything and they’re the best way

to deal with those people is don’t even freaking think about it no don’t care what they’re thinking and and i’m not

even you know don’t let them deter you they’re just hating so the listeners of our podcast

i don’t think they even have haters you you take some high level professionals and there’s enough

jealousy out there in the world that they probably have haters right so like uh one that’s popping into my

head right now is joel olsteen right people love to hate on that guy because

it’s like the popular thing to do well is he the pastor in texas yeah yeah he’s

the big man mega church pastor right so like there are aspects of his life that make it kind of easy to go

i don’t know if i’d do that right however the guy’s done more good than anybody out there hating on him

for sure so that’s just a it’s just a thing that comes with mega success is you’re gonna

have some people who disagree with how you did it but i’ll be one of the only

ones out there to say that i think haters are fake i think people make up haters

because that’s their way of bringing into life that’s so excuse no no seriously

i think that’s that’s people bringing into life the the the uh inadequacies they feel

about themselves get them down so if i if i feel like i’m inadequate in an area

well then i’m gonna make up a hater that that chastises me in that area because it gives me a reason to talk about my

inadequacies in that area we’re we’re talking our listeners are at

a level where there shouldn’t be haters right yeah like haters like there

are haters i’m going to give you a great example of it there are but not at the level our listeners are at is as i guess

what i’m getting at you’re probably true so i have a great example of haters so we i used to i’ve played in a few bands

okay so we go to this club you know i won’t even say what where it was um

it was in westport so we we go down there and we’re playing a little showcase and there was three bands and they had uh they actually had

burlesque dancers that danced like you know why we played and stuff well so the bass players uh parents were

there and at the end of the show you know she comes up to mark and is like oh these

this couple that was sitting at the table next to us were like oh they this band sounds like creed and this you know

and this and they were talking all this smack you know and everything he was all upset and i was like dude who cares right you know i was like who cares

first off we don’t sound like creed right right but anyways but later i find out i know this guy

and who the because i saw him leave you know no big deal i don’t care that stuff doesn’t bother me

come to find out later uh he was the lead singer of a band that i saw perform like this is like two

months later right and they were awful right right well so hey i mean his was obviously coming from jealousy right you

know right it was obviously jealousy and and people they hate when they’re jealous when

they’re what’s another good example of why people are like that well so i i think i

feel like a lot of that is the core jealousy and envious yeah right well it can be but

um i’m gonna i’m gonna borrow some lines from andy frisella because he does a really good job of explaining haters

um he he does a very good job of distinguishing between

haters and critics okay just because somebody criticizes

your work does not make them a hater no of course not a hater is somebody who is

going out of their way to actively and maliciously

hurt your business in one way or another so just because somebody says something bad about you like let’s say you run a

restaurant and somebody comes in and they were like oh i didn’t like their creme brulee or i didn’t like their

omelet that’s not a hater that’s criticism yeah it’s totally different right

so if you’re in a band and they say oh you sound like creed that’s not a hater that’s criticism we

have to look at intentions though right like well no they didn’t come up to us they were just i know i know just you

know you would only say that to your friends and stuff right like in a small group right a hater right a hater is

somebody who is going out and doing things to actively hurt your business so uh it may be

going out outside of your circles and spreading rumors that would cost you ticket sales if you’re a band or it

would be like doing things to like affect your equipment so you didn’t

what’s the definition of hater there there really isn’t one well that’s what i mean so that’s just andy’s

definition of hater it’s his definition but it’s a very real definition that you need to adopt if you think you have

haters because you need to be able to differentiate between a critic and a hater critics are actually good

critics cause you to pause and verify for yourself

are they right does my product need improvement or do they just have a differing opinion but i

know certain people that’ll criticize like a movie or something just because there’s too much hype

around that movie they’re like i want to go the other way because everyone’s going that way well and when i think of possibly when i think of small business

on here and in this setting when you know it says people will talk about you and i bring

up haters so like if you know someone’s

talking about you obviously you do or you didn’t put it in this post right right right okay and then that person

that was talking about you says to three friends uh

say these three friends don’t know you over here and this person says to them oh yeah i wouldn’t do that

right he or she’s stupid this or that well if that costs you three sales that is malicious yeah right and that is call

that is hurting your business right okay so so us even though it is a small thing

it’s it’s a lot less significant than what people think it is right people people

well that’s like okay so that’s like the community involvement work where you um you do one nice thing for somebody

and that person tells three right and then that per each one of those person tells you right it works the other way yeah yeah that hater tells three people

and those three people tell three more people because and they don’t even have the knowledge right of what is actually

going on it’s the same thing it is it is so like uh we recently had fired up well

we recently had a gators man we recently had a guest on this show hasn’t aired yet um but uh shannon who has a hair

salon um she was talking about another salon in town that was doing things that with

malicious intent to hurt her business right well

i had never even heard of this salon until she was mentioning on the podcast i’m friends with shannon and i’ve never

even heard of this other salon but you know what i have heard of all of shannon’s contributions to the community

and in her salon’s contribution so like i i guess that gets back to don’t let it

eat you up right right you know exactly to tie a bow on that it that gets back to don’t let it eat you up just be

better yeah do better yeah and analyze are they are they critic

like is you don’t even have to do if you don’t want to sit down and think about it and do all that just move on yeah

okay there’s some bad stuff bother you there’s some good like being able to understand if they’re criticizing your

work and then like you don’t have to take it personally but you can still analyze it and say okay

they said this about my product whatever your product is if it’s food or if it’s service or whatever they said this about

my product is it true or is it not do i have room to improve or do i not and then you can analyze that for yourself

and then move on like you don’t have to let their opinion weigh on you but you can treat it as an opportunity to say

here’s somebody who thinks differently about my product should i think differently as well or not

and then just leave it at that basic level and then move on the point i wanted to get across with

that is that’s not a hater that’s somebody who’s just got a differing opinion that

that’s not a hater what you’re saying is you have to differentiate between the two that’s the core of what you’re trying to say right right see like i i

don’t have like to my knowledge i don’t have anybody that even has much of a differing opinion about like our company

but well i talk [ __ ] about you all the time well you’re different it’s your friend but like

you know i’m i’m in my mind i’m thinking okay a hater is going to be like a competitor that is like doing things to

hurt our business maybe they’re they’re doing things to our vehicles to like limit our ability to do work or they’re

doing things to our shop i wouldn’t even call that’s not a hater that’s a [ __ ] criminal well totally what about the

people it absolutely is right yeah you’re taking it a little that’s i there are i see what you’re saying

there’s critics there’s haters there’s criminals now you’re getting now we’re going criminals we’re going off the deal

what about the people what’s going on start a company right and they’re like i don’t think you’re gonna be able to do that i wouldn’t do that i wouldn’t

profit on that doubt right would you consider that as well no that’s just a doubter that’s all that is they’re not necessarily hating on you critic doubter

hater vandal well i’m just trying to get the scale right that’s all

that’s where we’re at like there’s so much other things other than hater right so that’s the whole point the whole

point of breaking all that down is it doesn’t matter what it is

identify it either use it or get past it exactly right exactly okay either use it use it

to your benefit or forget about it and that was the whole point of us going into all those stupid tangents about

this and that and that it’s to break it down into those two things right either learn to use it

or just [ __ ] move on right and if you have to get rid of if it’s someone close to you and you’ve got to cut them out of

your life do it yeah well they’re not i mean they’re not paying you any money so why are they taking up rent space in

your head yeah they’re literally taking time out of your day just to make you think about them yeah so right yeah

running rent free right there right um the the post also references family and

friends expecting discounts uh guess what they’re not your friends if they expect

discounts that’s not a them problem either that’s a you problem you need to get new

friends if they’re expecting discounts uh or if your friends think you owe them a discount

they’re paying full price for all their other luxuries in life they should be happy to pay full price or even more to

support their friend and so if they’re not in support of their friend

get new friends yeah it’s that simple that’s yeah that’s right it is absolutely that simple i have a great

example when i first started out a friend of ours tom you used to work with him yep

i don’t want to say his last name just because i don’t know that’s fine cool that’s fine um anyways he calls me one day and his gas valve’s out in his

furnace right and he says hey man i can’t get this it’s a weird deal it’s a honeywell smart valve and they’re a [ __ ] to get sometimes and he said could

you get it for me i said well yeah sure i mean i said give me the number so i call the distributor i go up there

i get it i call them i say hey i got it are you home you know i said i’ll come by and throw it in real quick right

and me being new in business you know not having a lot of savvy i was just gonna go over and throw it in there for free right he didn’t ask me to he didn’t

expect anything you know so i get there and i got it and i go downstairs and he’s like no dude i got it i just wanted

you to get me the valve and he’s pretty handy guy you know he’s very handy yeah he says no no no no i got it

he’s like no really i got it he said how much is the valve and i was like i think it was like 260 bucks

well i he wrote me a check for like 350. right and he gives it to me he’s like that’s just you know for your time i was

like dude 260 is fine no seriously he’s like no seriously you went and got it for me yeah thank you that’s a friend

that’s a friend right who you know i got him the valve i didn’t expect anything and he wanted to help me in my business

yep and i didn’t have to put it in right you know i mean that’s good friends and good family are gonna

do those things for you are they gonna pay you extra no but they’re never gonna expect they’re not gonna take advantage of you

right right so like i look at it like i’m gonna anytime i’m doing work with family or friends i quote them full

price and then i will usually by choice

when the work is done i will usually slide them a discount not because i feel like i owe them that but just because

they are my friend and i appreciate their their friendship right so i will usually do that like on like on purpose

um now however if if i have a friend come to me and they ask me hey what’s

this going to cost and i give them that full price thing and they already start haggling with me i just kind of lock up and i’m like yeah

that’s that’s what it costs and let me know if you want to do it yeah and i just kind of let it go with that yeah it

just is what it is yeah because if they’re gonna haggle with me there then that that sets the tone for the

friendship right right so if if you really have friends asking for a

discount let me give you some some ammo that you can you can put to

that and and nip that in the bud real fast and it’s going to make your friend feel like [ __ ] which they should if

they’re asking you for a discount absolutely you just simply tell them look i thought we were better friends than

that my prices are set so that i can make a living and and

if you were the friend that i thought you were you should enjoy paying that price so that you can participate in

your friend’s success but if you really want a discount then it might be better for you to shop

around if you tell your friend that they’re for one they’re gonna feel like

an asshat they may not they may feel entitled like well and if they do then you just learned a hell of a lot about a

person that you thought was a friend right sure you just learned that okay dave they don’t want to see me

successfully you need some plumbing done right and maybe dave will do his own plumbing yeah okay but if you need hypothetically if

you need it if you need it oh yeah so if so say say i had a club drain and i

called mitch i said dude bring your auger machine over here i cannot do this and he sent me a bill i would not be upset about it right yeah i’d pay the

bill now because i’ve known dave for so long and everything else he’d probably bring the machine over and go

here you go dude fire it up yeah right right i’d probably hand it to him and say that machine costs three beers an

hour yeah we’re different friends than i mean we’re talking more we’re talking those perimeter friends

that all of a sudden come out of the word work when they realize you opened your business right yeah right yeah let’s say you opened a painting business

and they’re like oh i’ve always wanted my house painted let me reach out to the guy that i haven’t talked to since high school yeah hey aren’t we good friends

yeah for three years right or or i love the classic you know i can get you so much work if

you just cut me a deal on this one like yeah really yeah if i cut if i lose money on this one you’ll give me the

opportunity to lose money on more jobs why weren’t you if you were so excited about it why weren’t you funneling me

work before then before right right right you know what i mean so that and that to be all honest that does

not happen at least for me it does not happen near as often as it’s it’s fabled to happen that that that gets tossed

around a lot but it doesn’t really happen that much so um

that’s why we use our trip charge for that right um yeah that trip charge helps nip those

people right out of the way yeah we gotta charge you a hundred dollars to come out right or whatever it is i don’t know what your trip charge is the the

rest of this post talks about uh the crazy hectic busy portions of running a business that can exhaust you well

if that’s the case go back and listen to episodes four five and six where we talk

about how to put systems and processes in place that eliminate that craziness that is the whole purpose of episode

four five and six is so you have like written systems and written processes in

place so that your life isn’t all that crazy and i get that there are busy