The Void #29 – Tough Conversations Pt.2 – May 15, 2022

In this episode, we talk about how to have the tough conversations you’ll need to have in order to have a successful life.  So much of success relies on you being about to have tough conversations with people close to you.  We’ll dive into what it takes to have a successful tough conversation and we’ll go over some examples of how to do it.  If this show raised questions you’d like us to answer, please feel free to email them to [email protected]  Thanks for listening and thanks for sharing!  Enjoy the show!


you may have is like with an employee right you got an employee that’s underperforming

uh in one way shape or form you might still have to have that tough conversation with them and

um you know same thing goes you gotta remove your emotion

you gotta identify the true issue right um if you’re like let’s say you had an

employee that like cussed out somebody right now

if it were me if i had an employee that cussed out a customer that’s a whole different level of something than an employee that cusses

me out right like um if if they accust if an employee tried

to like cuss me and this doesn’t happen i’m just i’m just speaking a hypothetical um

but if i had an employee cuss me out behind closed doors and everything else i’m going to handle that completely

different than if i had an employee that cussed out a customer yeah because one is a direct reflection of

the business two is a window into a culture problem in inside

my business right so believe it or not i could in a roundabout way see if an

employee felt the courage enough to cuss me out that’s almost like a

like you in a roundabout way you’re almost thankful that happened because it gives you the opportunity to recognize

you have a massive problem inside your business and you need to fix it so now not saying that my guys can get away

with it but first off that could if if you’re making your guys that could be a personal problem if

you’re making if it happens more than once and you’re making your guys that mad right or they’re flying off the handle maybe that’s not on them right

it’s a you problem yeah that’s not you’re really arrogant yeah and it gets under their skin and you’re starting to

irritate your guys right right and so um you know

that’s that’s where your values kind of hold through and everything else right never sacrifice your values well it’s possible that maybe your guy is never

sacrificing his values and he’s trying to hold you accountable you know yeah just it just kind of depends

um but you’re going to have that tough conversation with your guy you’re going to identify the true issue

you’re going to state your intentions like let’s say it’s a performance issue you’re going to identify exactly where they’re underperforming you’re going to

state your intentions okay i need you performing at this level this is the level i expect this is the

minimum acceptable level we have to move forward from here with you performing at that level right you’re going to be open

to learning a new perspective if there’s a reason they can’t perform that level then be okay right if you might learn

something why they can’t perform at that level maybe it’s a disability right maybe maybe there’s a there maybe

there’s a problem there that you have to make a reasonable accommodation to circumvent and therefore their

expectation is now going to be lower because of a disability or something else um never sacrifice your values again

right they drive the bus discuss a plan on where we go from here and then follow up so you put a plan in

place of okay i think if we do this and this and this we’ll get your performance back where it needs to be

and then two three weeks later you follow back up with them and hey where are we at are we performing well

or are we not are we doing this and this and this are we not why why not right and and at that point

like let’s say it’s an employee at that point the ball’s in their court they have all of the control at that

point and so if performance doesn’t improve it’s not for a lack of you right you

didn’t right if you followed that really good process then the employees just either they they can’t perform at the

level you need which happens or they’re choosing not to perform at the level you need which happens

either which way you have to evaluate you have to evaluate that and maybe change the direction right so

um you know and while we’re on the subject of employees um if you’re new into

business or considering starting a business and you’ve never managed people um

i want to talk about firing people um it’s it’s it can be tough it can be your first one

is really tough your fir the first person you fire is really tough and again like we talked

about earlier your mind instantly goes to

the time where you were fired and how charged up you were and maybe you’ve never been fired maybe it’s your your

mind goes to how charged up somebody you know was when they were fired yeah right i’ve

only been fired once and i had it coming and i knew i did right and i was egging it on so like it didn’t bother me yeah

you know you can’t fire me i quit no no i told him to i told the guy either firing me or shut the up and he was

he fired me and i mean i knew that’s what he was gonna do yeah see ya all right

peace yeah i’m out beer 30 came early this morning i was 17. so i mean it was

you know yeah it so like firing people if you followed this process and people

are still not getting on board it’s not a personal thing again your emotion your emotions removed from this

right not every job is perfect for every person and not every person is perfect

for every job right you put me in your job i’m gonna fail yeah not everyone can do every different

thing right and we all have a place right a few different places that we can fit and so

the moment you recognize that that’s not the perfect person for you and you’re considering

terminating them or ending their employment or whatever you want to call it um

the thing that you have to think about is the longer you allow that person to stay with your organization

the more you are risking that person’s perfect opportunity to pass by them

because you were too lazy to fire them that person let’s say you drug them on for an extra

month or an extra two months that person may have had a dream opportunity come through

and they missed it because you were too chicken to let them go you were too chicken to say

it’s just not working out yeah and we need to go in a different direction it’s not personal right so

um i don’t i’ve never had

an emotional firing where i fired somebody out of emotion i’ve had a couple of firings that took an emotional

toll on me because it was at those times where i realized maybe the person’s in kind of a bad

situation and it stinks that you’re kind of like adding to that situation right but

people are resilient and so they’re gonna figure a way out of it or they

won’t but not that doesn’t mean it’s your fault right it’s not your job to keep employing somebody who’s

like destined to fail yeah so to speak i think guys that i don’t want to interrupt you but i think guys that um

are just starting out and and they have their own business and they’ve hired a few you know their first few guys right

sorry it’s hard for them it’s harder on them because they have an emotional attachment to those guys

even if they’re horrible employees they have an attachment to them because that was my first hire right that was my

third hire you know i it’s my dad

i love these guys these guys you know these are my guys and i want to see you you get it emotionally invested because

you want to see them succeed you know and you just you’re all wound up about it and you’re so excited and

then six months goes by and you’re like ah what am i gonna do boy that reminds me you just i mean

it weighs heavy on you is it harder on the employee of course it is they’re losing their job but that doesn’t that

doesn’t mean it’s not hard for you personally right a buddy of mine shared this today

it says you can give a person knowledge but you can’t make them think some people want to remain fools only

because the truth requires change right so when you think about things in that

perspective it’s a smarty way to say it but yes yeah so it’s exactly what you were just talking about yeah you’ve got

these guys and you’ve poured so much into them and you wanted so much out of them but if they don’t want that for

themselves you have to recognize that like that’s where i used to get emotional into it

right and and i felt like somehow i’m responsible for giving this guy a good life no that guy is responsible for

giving himself a good life you’re responsible for giving him the opportunity to

allow him to give himself a good life yeah if you’ve given him the opportunity hired them

trained them gave them all the tools they need to be successful they on it you gave them

a second chance they on it you gave them a third chance and they on it it is no longer on you right and that

gets back to being able to take your emotions and separate them from the situation right because

let’s be honest you’re you’re running a company okay you’re in charge of other employees

when that person is like that they’re not only bringing down you they’re bringing down the company they’re

hurting the other employees yeah okay it’s think of it as if i let this person go

i’m helping my other guys out right okay it’s just like i

um it’s just like you think that say you have a big company there’s 15

people in there okay not not a big company but a good-sized company and you’re afraid to fire the manager

because they’re so awful and you’re like man the guys love him they just i can’t get rid of this guy i can’t get rid of

this guy well they love him because he’s letting them get away with the guys know okay sometimes when you fire someone

like that you’re applauded because you’ve made the right decision they may not come out and actually

applaud right you know but they know that it’s for the best for the company yeah okay and so think

about it that way if if you’re having trouble letting someone go hey i’m letting this person go to not only help

the guys out but to give another person that’s looking for a better opportunity a good job right okay so there’s

two outweighs one yeah you know try to think of it that way if you’re having trouble emotionally letting someone go

yeah and and again that kind of goes into the whole never sacrifice your values thing right like if your values

are excellence and integrity and honesty and and stuff like that you owe that to the rest of the team

and you owe that to the guy like if you can recognize that he’s not the perfect guy for you

that’s that’s a negative mark on your integrity if you keep him working for you say you keep him working for you and

then you have another employee that does the same thing and you keep them now you’ve now you’ve got cancer in your

culture right or your company and now you have a real problem and it compounds on itself right you’re not showing

leadership and the guys that can see that those other two guys are now realize that you’re also a

right and can’t keep the train on the tracks yeah and you you could have a serious problem real quick and let’s be

honest in the service industry gossip spreads pretty fast yeah you know and

you could end up taking a three or four month situation that hinders you for two years because you didn’t take the

initiative to do the right thing right and really burn you and

accountability and holding guys accountable to a good standard and and this does like micromanagement

and and uh cussing managers i i i’ll dive into that in a second

this doesn’t apply to that but in in the service industry people know

who is good to work for and who isn’t good to work for people enjoy working for managers that

have high expectations and then hold their people accountable to them the reason why they enjoy it is because

they’re that means they’re now working with other people that are good high performers as well nobody likes working

with you know lazy larry over here who always rolls in 15 minutes late and he always

wants to get out of his part of the work and you know he’ll leave 15 minutes early for lunch and he shows up 15

minutes late and he takes four bro smoke breaks in the morning and four in the afternoon and yeah you know all of that

right people don’t enjoy that and so you keeping a guy like that on your team

is a problem and and your guys will actually enjoy you holding lazy larry accountable and

getting them off your team yeah because now you can’t straighten them out you gotta move on right right um

um what i was talking about earlier with cussing managers right there’s a lot of people who think that running a tight

ship or having high expectations and holding people accountable

is is what it isn’t so there’s a company here in town and

they on paper they look nice and sweet but behind the scenes i have heard

countless and countless and countless stories of these managers like cussing out their employees on the

regular and not for like not because the employees are making mistakes or anything else like this this is a higher

pressure sales company and and the guys would go in for a you know like oh the toilet’s clogged well

you better go in there and sell them a new toilet well maybe they don’t need a toilet like

maybe they’re on boatloads of chemo meds or something and they just overloaded the toilet like they’re

wrecking that thing who knows right yeah and so they’d come out like these are the and here’s your kind of warning sign

if you have to call your manager after every service call you go on that’s probably going to be a tough you got to move on yeah

and so the guys would call their manager and say what do you do well i auger the toilet why didn’t you sell them a new one because it was just clogged

well you and you know blah blah blah and they would like they would like cuss these guys out right

and people still work there and i’m thinking what kind of lowlife doesn’t even have enough respect for themselves

to allow their boss to teach them like that or to treat them like that especially i mean

plumbers are hard to come by they’re there’s not a problem now you can go anywhere yeah get good money if you’re a

plumber and you were you left your job all those service industries are like that right now you could have a job by the end of

the day if you’re a plumber yeah and you left your job if it’s by the end of the week you could have a job by the end of the day you could have a great job by

the end of the week and you could have an amazing job within two weeks yeah it’s just how much

time do you want to spend looking yeah so i have no clue how how companies get away treating their employees like

especially as plumbers because people are [Music] as in general people are scared

yeah they’re passive they don’t like confrontation like i mean

dude if that was me about one weekend i’m not quitting i’m not doing anything that dude and i are

in the parking lot at the end of the day it wouldn’t even be a weekend i mean there’s gonna be some serious i mean

cops are coming right stuff’s happening it wouldn’t even have to happen to me if i was at that organization and i saw the

manager talk to another employee that way dude what the are you i’d be out i wouldn’t even waste my time even

arguing with him or talking with him that’s his problem i’m not i’m the new guy i’m not gonna change anything right

hey this isn’t for me peace out see right see mitch and i are very different people because i what i

think when i when i think about that is i think you know what if no one said anything and no one’s flying off the

handle maybe i can help the other guys by doing this yeah and i immediately think

even if something happens and i get in trouble or whatever if i can help some guys or if this guy drops his attitude

i’m going out the door anyway i’m gonna try to set an example here is it the wrong example of course it is

should you physically fight someone in the parking lot after work no you shouldn’t right but sometimes you know i

i saw everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth you’re gonna go change a plan yeah it was a you know it was yesterday it was

uh it was george washington and it was him and then he was a little closer and then he was a little closer and then it

was his eye and underneath it it said uh violence solves nothing

like okay yeah that’s not how we created this country right you know okay yeah right okay buddy

no sometimes talk to me about 1776. yeah and that’s the problem i think in our culture this is a whole nother show for

a whole another day but you know the whole culture of um i can be as big a dick as i want to be i can say whatever

i want and there are no consequences right has created a huge problem yeah you know back in the day

if you were at the bar and you were 22 and you slapped a girl on the ass and her boyfriend was there you got popped

in the mouth yep no one called the cops right you just that’s what it was and like okay you landed your lesson you

moved on it wasn’t a beating to within an inch of your life either oh we just had lights change up in here

it wasn’t a beating to within an inch of your life either no you got pop it was a respectable yeah you got a couple of

smacks yeah you got popped in the mouth yeah and you’re like okay you know what right yeah i had that coming you guys

left no one called the cops that’s just what it was right now it’s like there’s no you could you can be a you know

keyboard tough guy and say whatever you want and there’s no consequences and you’re like are you serious right and it

just it drives me insane i mean not to get completely off topic but i mean that’s one of those situations where

somebody in that organization has got to be like you know what right i’ve had enough yeah somebody’s got to do

something about this um that’s if you if you have if you handle tough

conversations like this you won’t be in those kinds of scenarios typically right typically

99 of the time no i mean because the key is removing your emotions what company that is after this

oh yeah i will i’d really like to know yeah so now as we’ve talked about before or should you 1099 or w2 your employees

this company 1099’s every single one of their people yeah they don’t care about their people

yeah so somebody in that company should be like you know what i’m leaving and all the rest of you should too yeah because this is a

show yeah i guarantee that company constantly about the high turnover and you can’t find good help these days well no you can’t find a good

manager and you’re i was going to say because all your managers are awful or what right

um um i we’ve we’ve i think we’ve kind of i wrote down some things of

handling tough conversations with boss employee oh boss we can go boss are we going to

talk about are we going to talk about family today we can do family yeah yeah parents spouse talking about breaking this episode up

into two yeah it’s it’s it’s it’s happening it’s happening and as we’re speaking right now we’re probably

already in episode two of this do you think so yeah okay yeah so we knew this one was gonna run long

so that’s why you’re gonna see this one split into two um so tough conversations with family

family gets a little bit different uh before we do family let’s do boss okay um let’s say you need to have a tough

conversation with your boss right again same rules and we’re gonna repeat

them again because it’s literally like the key to this right remove your emotion from it identify the true issue

what are you truly upset about your boss with state your intentions right now as

you were talking about there if you were new in a company and you saw a manager cussing somebody out for me for me to

want to step in i have to have a level of care right i have to have a level of like do i even care enough to step in

and then do i think i can make a difference and mike my care meter is automatically 100

because when i see someone being taken advantage of i immediately am like uh-uh right happening on my watch right

you know what i mean is my uh is it gonna is it gonna make a difference meter that i don’t have that

meter right i don’t care it i feel like in in my heart it’s

whether i think i can or not i can’t i’m trying to think of the best way to

paraphrase this i don’t know how everyone’s gonna react right okay so i don’t know if i can

affect change yeah but i’m gonna get everything i got yeah okay and if i have to do this

and no one has changed i at least gave it 100 right you know right yeah i mean if i’m out in public and i

see somebody being taken advantage of that’s a different scenario than if it’s like my first day on the job

and my new boss is like cussing out some other employee well i said i’d give it a week yeah true i give you a week if i

see it every day for five days yeah that next monday after a weekend of drinking i mean you

know royal rumble in the parking lot somebody’s gonna hurt yeah i mean it may be me

listen i’m not pretending like i’m a tough guy i’ve had my ass beat plenty of times right okay especially when i was younger

so i mean don’t get the wrong idea i don’t think i’m conor mcgregor i mean i’ve had my ass beat that ain’t much

lately no he got old guys he’s on a little bit of a streak he’s a

great he was a great fighter um okay so talk him in your boss right identify the issue clearly identify what is the issue

you’re having with your boss or with the company that your boss is in charge of fixing either which state your

intentions what do you want to get out of this right here’s the key especially when you’re

talking with your boss oh my ears are up be open to learning a new perspective right your boss is privy to a lot of

information you’re not privy to your boss his vision is farther in the future than

your vision is and so your boss may be behaving in a certain way because

he has to right so be open to learning a new perspective he may let you in on some

things that are why he has to behave that way and you might learn something new right

um never sacrifice your values again if you’re going to have that conversation with your boss try to do it from the

standpoint of values try to do it from the standpoint of our businesses values are this and this

is why i feel it’s okay to talk to you about this and so on discuss a plan

what would you like to do from there how do we move forward and then follow up with your boss hey remember that all

this stuff we talked about where are we coming on that or or whatever now if he’s a good boss

he should be kind of doing this stuff right back to you he really should but

we don’t all have good bosses no um okay now i want to say something about that

yep so if you’re a 25 26 27 28 year old manager and you’re

it’s your first time being a manager okay and you are full of piss and vinegar because let’s be honest you’re

on fire you’re young you’ve been moved up you’re a manager you are literally you are a

company man you’re trying to make the best of it mitch is 100 right you don’t have the full view and the full scope of what’s

going on at that maybe before those conversations even

happen you should realistically be thinking about the perspective part of that right

okay what am i not seeing right you know what am i what am i not

aware of that’s going on that makes these things happen don’t automatically think oh i’m a manager and if i was the

boss i’d be a kick-ass boss just like i’m a kick-ass manager right you don’t know what’s going on right okay i was

that way yeah like literally i was 24 years old and i was laying out all the

new houses i was ordering all the material i was you know there were three roughing crews underneath me and i was

doing all this and you know all that and and there were times when i was like dude what are you freaking doing now it

never came to like a a tough conversation or or anything like that but i had those thoughts in my

brain yeah and i was able to okay you know what i’m just this is it

wasn’t necessarily like i never thought okay they must be dealing with this or

the perspective is this i just thought you know what i’m in a good spot and i’m not gonna push the envelope with it i’m

just gonna but that doesn’t mean i wasn’t thinking about doing that right you know but think about those things before you go

in there and blow up yeah you know maybe take you know a few weeks and think about

uh what do i not see what do i not know if if you have questions try to learn

those answers on your own yeah before you go in there and make a big you know storm about nothing right

right yeah that’s on the

on the new boss side of things if if you’re ever in a position where you’re a new leader over

people um one of the first things that you’re going to feel is you’re going to feel unqualified

uh and there’s a decent chance that some of the people you are leading are older than you

well that’s that piss and vinegar talking yeah you’re right you’re 100 right you’re going to feel unqualified whether

you admit it to yourself or not i was let me just emphasize that by saying yeah there were areas where i was

unqualified right i just didn’t feel that way because i’m a sometimes yeah so the easiest way to handle that is you

go have a conversation with your whole team and you let them know that you know guys i don’t want to boss people around

um i think that we can organize our group in a way to where

we can all be happier we can all hold each other accountable a little bit better and we can all make more money because

ultimately that’s why we’re here that’s why we work we don’t work for fun we work for money funds by product like

it’s kind of nice to have fun at work you know yeah and i’m paraphrasing like what i would do as a boss right

and so um you know if you guys have some concerns or you see something that you

would like changed bring it up to me i can’t guarantee anything but i can guarantee i’ll listen

you know um i i may agree with you i might not uh i’ll try to be as transparent as i

can as to if i don’t agree with you i’ll try to be as transparent as i can as to why but um you know i want to be here to support

this team and help organize this team right um because ultimately that’s what a boss and a leader is is an organizer

um they’re the organizer of everything they’re an organizer of the jobs the material the people

everything right right but you’re also an organizer of and i don’t know what the right word is

culture culture excellent yes you’re 100 right you’re an organizer of the culture of your group

that you’re in charge of yeah whether it be three crews five crews two crews it doesn’t matter

right it’s if you’re over those guys you have to set the president of how they act yeah

what happens and and so i hate the word boss because it just

gets tied to you know boston people around or being bossed around and nobody likes that right it’s a term from the

80s right it is and i also don’t necessarily like the term manager

because managers aren’t leaders now good leaders are also good managers

but a manager only has no leadership ability right so all they are is like minding numbers and just

they’re they’re managing they’re managing expectations and holding people to expectations but

they’re not really developing people and leading people right so um i like

leaders i like team leader i like you know all of that kind of stuff and so i kind of view anybody in a leadership

role as a leader not a manager so if it was a if i ran a car dealership i

wouldn’t have a sales manager i would have a sales leader right a sales organizer or something like that sales

team leader yeah um the um

yeah if you’re having that that conversation if you’re a newer manager and you have to have that conversation

speak from the heart right that that that’s a tough conversation without a necessary like a big known

problem right off the get-go it’s your addressing to the team right

your your introduction to the team is still a very tough conversation

because that’s going to kind of set the tone and set the expectations for where you go from there so it’s the most important one year and a half for a

while right because literally you are you’re just like you said you’re setting the tone for everything that’s going to

go on right under your leadership right um moving this thing on to family

family can be tough family can be real tough because we’re not going to get too deep but yeah right your family’s tough

you won’t go too deep but you’re um you’ve had family longer than you’ve had

a job you’ve had family longer than you’ve been on whatever team you’re on that you have to

have the tough conversation with yeah right so um um

having that tough conversation with family can be really tough because it’s not just business there’s emotions there

there’s love there there’s there’s all kinds of added things in

there that you kind of have to watch out for in business you can separate emotion in

family it is emotion yeah you can’t you can’t necessarily separate emotion all

the time when you’re talking about your family you cannot i mean no matter what you do or what you say it’s going to

affect someone that you care about and that is going to emotionally affect you yeah even if you took it out to start

the conversation yeah it’s back immediately well and it’s completely different and

you know women for example and i’m not going to be stereotypical but they have a hard time letting go of past

failures and so um they’re going to bring that up even if

they don’t bring it up to you it’s bringing up in their mind even as you try to go forward from there

they’re always wondering are we reverting back to where we were are we getting back to that level or am i seeing that behavior again yeah it’s

it’s a hundred percent different like guys um like mitch and i almost had a blowout

drag out one time over a misunderstanding right and literally like a month later had a couple beers

and were like hey no biggie hey you’re right you know i thought it was you it wasn’t

you right you know i mean i’ve known guys that literally have been at the bar and went home

got in a fist fight and then the next day went to the same bar had a beer and both of them were

literally like hugging each other man i’m sorry right you know and they can let that go yeah girls i shouldn’t say girls women

they’re wired different they are and it’s okay yeah you know yeah you know they will one friend will hurt

the other one and they won’t say anything for three months that’s what we’re talking about they’ll

let it fester and they won’t let it go and they’ll still talk to each other they’ll be free enemies for two years

and then all of a sudden this blowout drag out hap it’s just it’s all we should have we

should probably have a woman in here right now talking about it but it’s like they will it’s safer they will not let

that go right ever right ever it’s it’s tough right and so

i’ll be the first to say these rules don’t necessarily apply step one is remove your emotion no it’s pretty hard

to remove your emotions these rules do not apply to family yeah i mean you can try to stick to them but it ain’t gonna

help you it it works with children right you can you can do this with children because you’re their guider and you’re

you’re their guidance and you’re their leader yeah um it’s very difficult to do with a spouse

um um there’s there’s just so many other emotions and so much more history there

that this becomes more difficult however the similar process still lies right you got to identify the true issue it’s not

vacuuming it’s it’s an overall behavior it’s it’s not the fact that you didn’t wipe down the

kitchen counters last week it’s it’s an overall behavioral pattern um but when

you’re talking with them you got to state your intention you got to say like what is the what are we talking about what do we

want to get from this you got to be open to learning a new perspective you know uh never sacrifice your values

they always hold true um and then here’s where again it gets a little tough discussing a plan on where to go

from here um yeah you know so you’re like trying to tell your wife to change it ain’t happening yeah yeah

so this so the plan to go from here is i’ll wipe down the counter twice a week from now on

the babe is you can’t be as crazy as you are yeah that’s just not happening right you can’t do these

things well it’s just not happening because people are the way they are so rob dierdick

uh from the fantasy factory i love and hate rob deer dick all at the same time yeah he’s he’s an interesting cat he’s

he’s got an interesting viewpoint on a lot of things he’s very successful so you can’t disagree that his viewpoint is

wrong right um sure he can he’s he’s married he’s got a kid

um maybe he has another one i don’t know but anyway i don’t know i have no idea his

like he’s a he’s an incredibly busy person incredibly incredibly busy person right i’m sure and

um he starts every day he literally sends his wife

an email every day and asks his wife where are they in their marriage on a

scale of one to ten and then there’s like some follow-up things in there of like any issues or

something that she want to bring up he does this every day every single day

and then like if she’s in a but the problem is what if she’s just in a bad mood she’s like two right well

dude he’ll call her out and be like are you just saying that because you’re pissed or we actually ate it too because if we’re at a two we need to be talking

to the attorneys right i’m serious and and and so then

he he’ll even use it further than that and he’ll be like you can’t tell me that this has been an

issue for two weeks because i got the receipts right here you said last wednesday we’re at an eight

yeah the thursday we were to nine so don’t tell me you were all pissed off last wednesday and thursday because you

said eight and nine now you can’t say you know and i mean that’s that’s pretty funny that’s a whole different level yeah well

she’s passive aggressive though i don’t i don’t she’s just and she’s just eight i got a feeling he wouldn’t have married her if he was doing that

right that’s the problem with passive aggressive people is you don’t truly know until after a long time right well

yeah who knows on that we look at it and we’re like man that’s freaking crazy because

you know our marriage wasn’t built under that and there’s no way that we could ever add something like that into our

marriage and i say hours like i’m talking yours mine or any of our listeners right yeah like that was

literally built from day one into their marriage like if i said if i you know what i’m writing this down i’m gonna

send janine an email oh at like 9am can you i need you to be like you need to have

layla recording her when she reads that email hey babe where are we at in our marriage

on a scale of one to ten [Laughter] i’m gonna send it to her and see what

she says yeah he’s i mean he’s got well and then i mean he does some other crazy stuff too um and i say crazy only

because it’s unconventional not crazy because it’s stupid yeah like once a month he’s got like a two-hour session

with a marriage counselor and they just talk about anything just to keep it just to keep it everything in

check yep yep i think we call that micromanaging he’s just very very in tune no he’s

micromanaging his marriage he’s either insecure and scared of what could happen or he wants to control

everything i’d say the as successful as he’s been over time that he’s just a micromanager he’s he’s

probably very much in control of his surroundings yeah all the time that doesn’t mean he’s controlling of his

wife but he’s no maybe not he’s in control of his relationship i guarantee she signed a prenup yeah i don’t know

i don’t know but uh uh so yeah tough conversations with spouses

um that can be you know that can be tough right because they’re your ride or die they’re your life partner

um and if they’re not well you need to be having a whole different tough conversation yeah and we talk about that

in episode number 22. well we we talk about how to get your spouse on board with business right so if you’re

thinking if you’re listening to this and you’re thinking oh man you know what they have a point there you know maybe i

need to clarify things or whatever and you haven’t listened to episode number 22 go back and listen to that we talk

all about right getting your spouse and you on the same page before you start a business right don’t just come home and

be like hey babe quit my job got my llc two days ago and she’s gonna be like two days ago right you knucklehead get on

the same page right right um tough conversations with other family

other than your spouse or children these can go anywhere these could go

pretty wild um i will be one of the few

to tell you that as a mature adult your family doesn’t mean as much

as society tells you they should mean um

and and what i mean by that is they don’t mean that just blindly right you don’t have to have a great relationship

with your parents because society says you do if you have a great relationship with

your parents it’s because you are both earning it you’re both contributing to that relationship your parents are

constantly doing things to benefit your life you’re constantly doing things to benefit their life okay that’s how

relationships are built they’re built on contribution and so

if you have dirt ball parents you don’t have to have a relationship

with them no you don’t right if you have dirt ball siblings you don’t have to

have a relationship with them same principle relationships are built on contribution and if a person is not

contributing then they don’t they don’t they aren’t owed a place in your life so don’t feel

chained to a relationship simply because it’s your dad or simply

because it’s your mom or because it’s your sister or your brother or anything like that

it is very very okay to hold those relationships just as

accountable as any other relationship you would have with a friend

i don’t like the whole idea of you know oh we’re family and we go back forever well guess what there’s a whole lot of

family out there that are holding a lot of people down simply because the family is dirt bags

they’re dirt balls and they’re they’re constantly demoralizing you or they’re discrediting

you or they are pumping your brain full of so much negativity that you don’t know what

success looks like yeah and mitch doesn’t mean don’t give your all

to that relationship or to that family member okay right you

give you give it the way i view that is i give everything i’ve got

or will give everything i’ve got to my family you know what i mean

now if that if it goes on for a long time and i’m not getting anything back and they’re dragging me down

move on so yeah right that’s how i view that and it’s perfectly okay to cut them 100

off too now will you need to cut them 100 off i don’t know probably but

you know there are situations where you have to if the situation calls for it and you need to cut one of those members

of your family 100 out of your life do it and don’t think that like don’t

even feel bad for it because at the moment you’re considering cutting them 100 out of your life

there’s good reason to do it so you can’t feel bad about it you just

have to do it um and and then again it’s very similar to these other rules so family is a

little bit different than spouse um because you aren’t attached to them

right like you aren’t connected to them you don’t have a home with them you don’t unless you’re 30 and still

living at home i don’t know but um it’s a little bit different but you know

you still remove your emotion you identify the true issue you state your intentions you be open to learning a new

perspective you never sacrifice values you discuss a plan on where to go and you follow up

right well if the other person is not supportive in any of that at all it’s going to be really hard to discuss not

just not supportive you know you can have family members that don’t support you and aren’t

lifting you up but they’re not dragging you down and i would say that’s fine but when people start dragging you down and

making it hard for you to be around them right making it hard uh for you to be successful if that’s what it is making

it hard for you to just enjoy spending time if you go over to a family member’s

house say you guys have sunday dinner all the time at your grandmother’s house or whatever and you got a cousin that is

constantly bringing you down all the time tell grandma grandma if he’s gonna be there i’m not coming right

you know or tell that dude hey dude you better knock it the off or i’m not going to do it if it keeps going on

then re-eval your reevaluate your situation yeah you know and it stinks to put grandma in the

middle of that but she needs to be aware of it too right she needs to be aware that she’s got let’s be honest if if that if you’re

close enough with your family that you’re having sunday dinners everyone knows what’s going on yeah i mean that person’s obviously a yeah okay

and it’s probably not just you that it’s happening to right all right so i mean it’s not like it’s a stretch right but

and this gets back to um just trying to change your mindset trying to

change your family tree trying to get everything that you’re

involved with moving in the right direction right this isn’t just family talk or a business

talk this is moving your family tree in the right direction right you can be the

force of change and you can make these things happen and this gets back to this episode

those are difficult decisions and conversations that you have to have yeah and you may have that

kind say that that cousin or brother or whatever

you are extremely close with other than those specific situations

where they’re bringing you down right or maybe you were extremely close with growing up and now just in the last two

years it’s been a problem man you get home and you feel like complete because you just told them

you didn’t want to be a part of their you know them to be a part of your life right i mean you’re like literally you’re breaking down right you know it

is you have hurt yourself in doing that to move on that is extremely difficult to do it is

sometimes to change your family tree and to change the trajectory that your family is on

your immediate family you have to make those hard decisions yeah to get to that

new place well the challenging part with that is you

might have the intentions or the desire to change the trajectory however they have to make the decision

to come on board with that plan yeah and if they refuse to come on board

that’s the point where you got to cut them off right now again i like i like what you said about how

if they’re not actively tearing you down you don’t necessarily need to remove them from your life you’re just going to

limit how much you’re you’re around them you still love them you still want them to be part of who you are in your family

right your daughter or sons may love them and you don’t want to yank them out of your life right i mean there’s

there’s a fine i shouldn’t say fine line it’s a gray line it’s a super giant gray line and it’s case by case of where

you’re gonna go and what you’re gonna do i mean it’s like you were just saying it’s this is a real simple way to view it but

it’s a rocket ship and everyone that wants to move forward gets on right and if you don’t want to

move forward we’re leaving you on the ground dude right and we are taking off yeah and that’s what we’re gonna do and

i you know until the last really the last five years of my life

i have always like janine and i have always planned for the future

for our future to be great and when we retire have a lot of extra money right

so that we could travel or bless people and give and you know um

you know like maybe call my friends and say hey we’re gonna have an old friends none of us got

together ski trip and i’m paying for the condo right you know things like that um but until about five years ago that’s

that’s what i wanted now it’s like okay we’ve got to this point and we’ve done good

like i come from a super poor family right you know and janine’s parents they were they have been real successful

but their parents were poor you know and didn’t have a lot of money now i’ve realized man we’re on the right

trajectory to really do something here and change the trajectory of our family tree right and i’ve literally i’m like

okay i’m placing it on and i did this to janine i was like i’m placing this on our shoulders and this is what we’re

going to do right we’re going to start with us we’re going to go to layla if we can go to cousins and you know our

nieces and nephews after that we’re going to do it yeah we are we are trying to change it and no matter what we have

to do to get there yeah we’re going to try to do it right and this if you have people in your if you decide

to do something like that and you have people in your life that are dragging you down just like mitch said

it may be time to cut them loose yeah it may be time to move on yep and

parents i mean brothers sisters i mean just

aunts and uncles i mean whoever oh you can’t ever do that you know we talk about this all the time oh you’re not

gonna be successful oh you’re not gonna do this oh you’re not gonna be worth two and a half million when you retire you’re not gonna be you know you know

whatever you know what off right okay i’m moving forward are you getting on the train or not right

there’s rocket ships leaving it’s it’s a hard decision to make and it’s a we get back to the millionaire mindset or

changing your mindset to be something different than you have grown up believing it is a hard mental decision

to do that yeah but if you can overcome it and can make those hard decisions and have those hard

conversations it can be i mean it can be very rewarding and you can get there yeah you

know yep that’s uh i don’t even think i can top that i think that’s a great way to summarize

all that stuff up that’s that’s a it’s a great way to do it too like if they’re actively tearing you down

that’s you know mega problem if they’re if they’re not supportive but they’re not hurting you that’s a different problem

you can just limit your your time with them and handle that but or eventually they come around yeah you know and say

hey you know and the reason i say that is i don’t want you to cut people loose early

because you can just like we do on this show you can change someone’s mindset

and if you could change their mindset and change their trajectory or help them change their own trajectory

you may have changed a different part of your family tree without even knowing it right and now

they are on the same path as you and they’re moving forward right you know so don’t just don’t just be cutting people

loose you know willy-nilly don’t burn every bridge right listen i’m saying that i’ve burnt some bridges yeah i mean

like flame on i’m moving on right you know so you have to be careful with what

you’re doing but i mean if you want to be successful and you really want to do something special

you have to like mitch said you have to you have to have those difficult conversations and you have to make those

difficult decisions um with people that are very close to you and people that you love dearly yep

and you got to be in control of your support team around your life yeah and so and think about it also you know and

this is a thing that comes with age i’m not saying i’m old i’m not saying i’m wise i’m 40.

but you know when you have children and people have children at 28 and realize this way earlier than i did it’s not

about you anymore right it’s about the next kids it’s about the next generation okay so sack up drop your bull your own

personal and your own baggage that you’ve been dragging around for five years right and look at your kid

and be like okay i’m doing this for you from now on yep and we’re i mean every i’m

it’s all coming to you at the end i hope that when i die you know i don’t i don’t want you know a

billion people at my funeral i don’t want oh dave did this i dave did that i want all the like my daughter my nieces

and nephews to be like can you believe he left us this much money right can you believe that he’s done that

you know i’m dead i don’t care i don’t know right you know i’m i’m hoping to god that when we get to heaven we can

look down and say oh look what they’re you know look what they’re doing i don’t look what they’re doing i’m gonna pretend like i know that that’s what’s

gonna happen but you know whether i can see it or not it’s an unselfish decision to say

i did this right i’m gonna do it and now i’ve changed everything about their future right right

that’s it well i think that’s it that’s that’s a that’s a solid way to end it so

um guys again if you if you uh love the show if you if this brought you

value if this uh changed your perspective um if this taught you something uh do us a favor and share the

void with somebody else who might need it we we work really hard to put this show

together for you we we give a lot of time um and and some financial resources to

put this together for you we make no money off of this show so i do it for free and it costs mitch yeah let’s be

honest so um the least you could do is share our show with some other people

that need it so um until next week guys we will see you later

love you guys thank you for listening